But It's Only A TV Show!

I used to be a huge fan of Law and Order SVU. Loved trying to figure out who the perp was and of course Chris Meloni was an added benefit! :) But when I realized how fearful I got whenever I was home alone and then began following the trail of images and stories, I couldn't deny what was at the end of them.

And alas I decided to stop watching or else live with these horrible images at the ready anytime the setting was ripe for them to grow my fear.

Now my current television ban for that same reason is the news. I won't make this a post about how I believe our news media creates and perpetuates a fear based society, but I do know that it does me no good to hear about all of the awful things that happen that are so called "news."

I am not saying I want to hide my head in the sand and pretend there are not tragedies and horrors, but as much as I know they exist I also KNOW of goodness and love and heroics that unfortunately are not what is being reported as often. And that is what I seek out in terms of filling my spirit and helping me to not live a fear based life. Because I know that in my fear I am not a healing force in this world, on any level, as a friend or a mom or a coach or just as a human being.

I know what it's like to live a life full of fear and anxiety and I know what it can do to my health and to my everyday quality of life. So I am very mindful of what I choose to fill my senses with.

I am reading a fantastic book right now by Brene Brown called Daring Greatly and I want to quote something she wrote. She was talking about that feeling we tend to have when we get filled with joy and then stop ourselves from being vulnerable because we start to expect "the other shoe to drop" if we feel "too" happy.

Brene writes:

"And our culture assists in this doom-filled rehearsal: Most of us have a stockpile of terrible images that we can pull from at the instant we're grappling with vulnerability. I often ask audience members to raise their hands if they've seen a graphically violent image in the past week. About twenty percent of the audience normally raises their hands. Then I reframe the question: 'raise your hand if you've watched the news, CSI, NCIS, Law & Order, Bones, or any other crime show on TV.' At that point about eight to ninety percent of the audience hands go up. We have the images we need to activate foreboding joy right at our fingertips."

My intention is not to tell people what they should or should not watch on television. My mission is simply mindfulness. If you live in fear often and/or have a lot of worry or anxiety perhaps you may want to take stock of what you are choosing to view.

Do you feel like there are no good people in the world as a result of what you see reported on the news? Because there are in fact many out there. Do you live with a sense dread? If so maybe watch less of the news. There are plenty of ways to be informed.

Do you have trouble falling asleep at night? If your answer is yes have you ever questioned what you are feeding your mind and spirit before bed?

Personally I know what I can and can't watch if I want to be on a more even keel within as I am a highly sensitive person. But either way, again, it's all about mindfulness of our "entertainment" and"information." Taking stock of what works best for you can help promote a clearer, more joyful, less fear based experience of life.

How Much Do You Let Age Matter?

I was listening to a great interview the other day with Dr. Christiane Northrup. It was such a great interview I actually blogged about other aspects of it for a website that I blog on in. But the part I want to touch on in my own blog is the story she told about starting to take dance classes.  Dr. Northrup is at least in her 60s and she started talking about how she wanted to learn to tango I believe it was. And she worked through all of her "stuff" over being apprehensive about it and finally just did it. Plowed through the discomfort and began taking lessons. And while I could write a whole blog about stepping outside of your comfort zone, that is not my main focus at the moment.

What Dr. Northrup didn't let stand in her way was her age. She had a passion and desire to learn and do something and she didn't let her stage in life stand in her way. It was a wonderful story to hear how much she has embraced the joy that her dancing has brought her. She mentioned that people go to her house now to dance with her and that she has dance parties! I found it all so exciting to hear because there is just so much possibility out there for us when we don't cut ourselves off from it through limiting beliefs. And I am sure readers older than me might be thinking "well if she is going to start talking about age she is not really speaking from experience any older than she is." Which is of course true. And which is why I recommend checking out Dr. Northrup and also the amazing Louise Hay. The things they are doing in the later stages of their lives are truly inspiring.

And I have in fact gone through the examining of my age beliefs when I embarked on my life coaching path. I definitely had thoughts go through my head like "I can't start over now at age 40" and "I am too old to change careers now." I had thoughts of wishing I had done it sooner and thinking "well I don't have enough time." But really all that thoughts like that do is hold me back. Why can't I be a life coach until I am 80? Heck that is 40 more years of building a practice!! (alright a few less years than 40 but who is counting!) :) I read an article once about a 90 year old woman taking yoga. If she can do that I can coach at 80! See where my mindset is here? That is what empowers me to take stock of what things I tell myself and beliefs I hold that will stand in the way of me making changes, or going for things, or journeying down new paths that can add to my life in very exciting ways.

Age can be a big excuse for us. It can be our scapegoat for what is really fear. And I could write for days about fear too, that gremlin that lies within all of us masquerading as the truth. But when we are aware of that gremlin and call it what it is, we can peel away some of what really stops us and open up to the fact that life is ours for the living at any age! And the older we get the more wisdom, patience, awareness, etc. etc. we can bring to our new experiences enhancing them even further. So be mindful of the reasons we give for our "I can'ts". Look for where you can do away with those reasons and change them to "I can." And then when you get a little more used to those, change them for good to "I will!" No matter what your age, those words can fill your vocabulary with wonderful new color and lead you to very fulfilling new experiences!

Looking Fear in the Face and Letting It Go

So I thought I would do a little baring of the soul blogging today. While I am in the midst of facing fear and the determination to move through it I thought well hey, why not go all the way and let everyone know about it and really lean into what I am feeling right now. I realize that as I believe that all states are transient that when we lean into what is going on inside instead of resisting and pushing down and pretending some feeling isn't there, that helps us to feel it and to recognize the feeling, process that it is going on, let it run its course and then let it go. And fear I am not sure even deserves that much attention!! It hit me today that fear is not even real. In some moment of clarity in yoga class this morning that I am not even sure I can convey in words, I realized fear is not real. That is was just something I was creating in my head. And if I should so choose, I can put attention on consciously creating another feeling that is more in line with my inner self like happiness, joy or excitement.

Tomorrow I will be doing my first speaking engagement. I am quite excited about it as well as feeling grateful for the opportunity and also feeling it was meant to be by the way it came about. But as with any first comes fear of the unknown. I hear other people's perspectives in my head touching upon the seemingly judgmental attitudes from those being spoken to to the other end of the spectrum of those who have no fear of public speaking whatsoever and cannot even understand why people have a hard time with it! (God bless you dad, I will be carrying that sentiment with me this weekend!!) :) (blogging on your own blog is so great, I can put smiley faces in wherever I want!!) :)

But I digress. As I use my coaching processes on myself to imagine and feel this experience going exactly how I want it, still the fear creeps in. And as I remember the many, many times in my life I have been on stage singing, dancing and acting in front of a lot of people, still the fear is rapping softly at the door. And as I think about all of the other times in my life recently that I have taken leaps of faith and have been gently guided to land on my feet in a happier and more expansive place I still get a sense of nervous energy. And so I ask myself, what are you afraid of? And here's the best part, I don't really have any answer!

I have chosen to move away from the stringent perfectionist I once was and man is that freeing! I am allowing myself to make a mistake if that happens while I speak  because I know I will still accomplish what I am setting out to do. And thus I realize that this feeling has no bottom to it, no base. The only answer I can come up with is that I am afraid of feeling afraid. And so I am pledging to not resist it but rather to release it so I can fill myself up with the good energy of WHY I am doing the talk. To help people, which is my lifelong passion.

It will always amaze me how much God and the universe has my back. How lessons come from the most unexpected of places as long as you keep your eyes and spirit open to see and receive them. Last week my son and I were watching the latest Monster High movie. And in the end, the long lost vampire queen is being implored to reveal herself, unbeknownst to Draculaura as she is asking for help to find the queen. And as Draculaura begs for help for all of monster-kind (yeah I may have made up a word) this queen in hiding realizes that she must overcome her fear and reveal herself  in order to help others. And it was one of the sweetest messages I could have heard. We must overcome our fear to help others. I must overcome my fear to help others. That truly put it all in the perspective it needed to be in for me. And as I face this so called fear, I will allow it to fade into the distance as what is real shines forth. I am excited, I am going to do what I do well, and I am going to enjoy it!! May we always stand in our power and refuse to make decisions born out of fear!

Don't Let Fear Run Your Life

With Fall upon us and Halloween almost a month away it got me thinking about fears. It’s interesting that we actually celebrate a holiday based on playing upon people’s fears. Of course it’s all in fun, but when fears become what we base our decision making upon then it’s not so celebratory. Fear can lead us around through life without us even being very conscious of it. Sometimes it seems as though we were socialized from a young age to be afraid. As our parents had to teach us right and wrong and what is safe and what is not, about how to behave or else….we were shown the way to incorporate fear into our repertoire of emotions. Yes fear has its place, in the face of danger as an age old response from the days of daily living the fight or flight response. But fear does not have to play such a big role in our lives today. It’s worth looking at where fear is causing us to make choices that may not lead us to the path that we want to be on or where it may keep us from doing things we want to.

In our relationships fear can cause us to make decisions that are not born out of love. We become afraid of not getting what we “deserve” out of a relationship or perhaps we fear someone might leave us. We fear “losing” ourselves or our freedom. But what if some of those fears could be turned inside out and actions could be chosen from places of love instead? What if we took the time to outline clear relationship boundaries and define for ourselves who we are and what we want out of life?  And what if we recognize that fear only serves to cut us off from loving relationships? Imagine how fulfilling our relationships could be if all parties decided to love fearlessly and recognize what could best be brought to the table, to be giving fully instead of fearing what we may not receive.

We fear bad things happening to our children. I don’t think it’s realistic to think we can ever be totally free of worry about our children. But where has fear led us to make decisions that might stop them from certain experiences? Where have our own fears robbed our children of opportunities  to grow and learn and come through crisis a stronger and more expanded person?  How would it feel to stop fearing that our children will not turn out exactly how we want them to and to let them live their own life experience through what feels right to them? Letting go of fear in and of itself may be scary as worry can seem to be a means of controlling situations. However, in reality, it’s that fear that stifles growth and development.

Fear of what people might say or think about us can stop us in our tracks. How many times has this type of fear stopped you from speaking what’s on your mind or choosing an action that feels most right for you? Fear can cause us to lose sight of living from our true/authentic selves. This type of fear especially can be carried along from early and middle childhood when the opinions of our peers somehow mattered more than our own. But now in adulthood that fear does not have to rule our lives. We can choose to become more aware of our own agendas and likes and ways we want to live knowing that when we choose things that make us most happy somehow what others think doesn’t quite matter as much. When we learn to love ourselves that fear slips away, leaving us to live the life we were put on this earth to live. One where we make decisions based in love rather than fear. A life where we can be consciously aware of when fear has a hold of us and we can choose to focus on possibility instead. Then we have cause to truly celebrate!