Do You Realize What You Are Looking At?

Interesting question ,eh? And you may be wondering what exactly I mean by it. Am I referring to the things your eyes fall upon in the physical world, or rather what you see in terms of perception and how you define your reality? Well I actually mean both.

I have caught myself many times desiring something that was right in front of my face and I wasn't seeing it. Things like the beauty that surrounds where I live. For example, my beautiful flower garden in the spring or the fantastic view of New York City that I have in the winter when the trees are bare.

I had been busy seeing, or focusing on, what was not there. I simply "saw" that I didn't live by the beach or a body of water or by amazing displays of nature or mountains. So because that's what I was focused on I failed to see all of the beauty that DID actually surround me.

Or how about the way we look at ourselves. If I asked you to make a list of your 10 best qualities would you have a hard time with that? I am betting most of us would. And sadly I would guess that if I then asked you what your 10 worst qualities were that the answers would come tumbling out faster.

We tend to "see" the perceived worst in ourselves much more than we see our good. Many times we don't even know how to see our good. Or we think it's conceited to do so. Or we are so busy seeing other people's "good" that we become stuck in a state of comparison to something that completely undervalues all of the amazing qualities and beauty we ALL possess.

What about the relationships in our lives? We tend to "see" daily the things our partners and spouses and kids aren't doing. But have we taken the time to look deeply at all that they do DO for us? Or simply at the way they make us smile or support us or just acknowledge that they love us, in whatever way they know best how to?

Our friends, our family, even our bosses may be offering us much more than we are looking at. Because our heads are turned the other way. Mindful only of what we don't like about their behavior.

I keep putting the word see in quotes for a reason. Partly, I am almost being facetious because the seeing isn't really seeing if we don't look at the whole picture, the good as well as the bad, the light on the other side of the darkness. And I put it in quotes because a lot of times I don't think we are really seeing at all.

We are measuring things against old beliefs that we have not bothered to question for their validity.

We notice all that is wrong in our lives without taking the time to truly LOOK at what is good and give thanks.

To realize what we are looking at is the catalyst for us to choose what we want to see the most. I am not suggesting overlooking harmful or abusive behaviors. I am talking about choosing our focus so that we feel the best inside.

And it takes practice to do this. It's not about beating ourselves up because we aren't seeing what will serve us most. It's about declaring that you do in fact want to see it all.

I want to see the good in others and in order to do that I have to be looking for it.

The same goes for my inner self. I truly want to feel good about myself. When I do I am better for those that are around me; my son , my family my friends. But to do that I need to define the way I look at myself. Is it in a way that enables me to achieve what I want? Do I tell myself I am worth it and strong and resilient or am I looking at myself in a way that is inevitably going to set me up for failure or sabotage what I really want?

Are you looking at the way you speak to yourself??

Are you looking at your self beliefs to see if they are stopping you in your tracks?

We are all very hard on ourselves, thinking that might push us forward when it really holds us back.

It's quite beneficial to ask ourselves if we are really seeing where we want to go. We may have a big picture in our head of where we see ourselves in the future, and that is a wonderful thing, I will always suggest dreaming big. But we also need to see the steps that need to be taken in between. We need to see the pathway. We can begin with the end in mind and then create a clear picture of the steps we can take to bring us there.

Being mindful of what we are truly looking at can really have a positive impact on our lives. So again, the question is, do you realize what you are looking at?


If you are interested in exploring these concepts further and seeing how you can make the change in your life that you have been looking for but have not been sure where to start please visit http://heatheroneillcoaching.com/mindfulness-causes-miracles/

How Do You Look For The Good Inside of Yourself and Others?

One of the things I love about coaching, and there are many, is that you get to hold up a "mirror" so to speak and remind clients of their strengths. Part of the reason I became a coach, or I guess I should say a big part of my mission, is to remind people of all of the wonderful things that make them who they are. We spend so much time beating ourselves up when we perceive we didn't do something perfectly or just right or we make mistakes or we feel we don't measure up to someone else's perceived  definitions of what we are trying to be, that that type of thinking becomes our norm. And when that happens a lot of our good and our personal truth gets buried. It gets buried under a lot of shoulds (a word I try very hard to keep out of my vocabulary) We should be like this and we should dress like this and we should have this, that or the other thing. But I like to remind people of the BEINGness of who they are. Of all the great things that make them uniquely themselves.

I often post tips on my Facebook page reminding people to tell themselves they love them self, or to thank them self for contributing to the highest good. We just don't do those things enough, any of us. And I am afraid most of the time we are completely unaware of just how much we highlight what we find wrong with ourselves. I try to make a practice of complimenting everyone I interact with. And that is not to say I throw out false statements of praise, I wholeheartedly mean the things I say to people. There is plenty to compliment someone on when you are looking. But mostly we are looking for what is wrong with others and at what we don't like. And really this is the same mechanism that goes on inside of us: as within, so without.

So many times when we have issue with others we can look inside and find that we just happen to have the same issue with our self. For example we may feel like someone we are in a relationship with is not giving us what we need, but are we giving to ourselves the things we need? And when we realize that, we then have the opportunity to radically change both of those things, the relationship with our self and the way we view and interact with others. I am not saying that anyone is perfect or that we should strive to be, but rather I am suggesting cultivating the practice of really looking for the good in others and then doing the same for yourself. If we cannot truly love ourselves than we are not capable of truly loving another. And conversely the more we love ourselves the more our hearts are opened to the greater capacity to love others. And when we can love fearlessly, without the what ifs: what if I get hurt, what if I am not enough, what if it's not reciprocated, magic can happen. Because it means we are looking at what is good and right with our whole heart, because that's what feels good and that's the way we choose to live.

I want to invite everyone to try the compliment practice I mentioned above. And not only with others but with yourself as well. Over the next few days find something to compliment everyone you interact with about. If it is someone you don't like, do it anyway. Make it about the higher good rather than our smaller differences. Merely complimenting someone doesn't mean you have to start spending more time with them. And you may notice that you begin getting compliments more too as you engage in this practice. So pledge to accept the compliment and allow another person to give you that gift, the same way you don't want someone refusing the gift of the compliment that you are giving them. And then lastly, give yourself at least one compliment everyday. You can make it a habit by complimenting yourself on at least 1 thing before you go to bed at night and if it is comfortable for you, expand that to complimenting yourself throughout the day. For who you are along with for what you do. You deserve it!!

(If you would like some action steps with help on loving yourself please go to my home page and enter your email address and I will send an E book along. If you are already on my mailing list but have not received a copy of it please email info@heatheroneillcoaching.com and I will send you a copy)

How Do You Know If You Are Loving Yourself?

What does loving yourself mean to you? Does it mean that you treat yourself the same way you treat those you love? That would be my first definition of self love. And within that definition leaves the room to explore the ways you treat yourself. For example, what kind of self talk do you engage in? So often we don't even realize how terribly we talk to ourselves. If we make a mistake or do something "stupid" we tend to be very hard on ourselves, even calling ourselves names and saying things to ourselves that we would never say to a loved one. Checking in on your self talk is a great step. When we begin to do that we can catch the beating up on ourselves.

How about taking time for yourself? Do you see that as a measure of self love? Because it is. We often get so caught up in our work and our family care that we either forget to take time out for ourselves or sometimes even conclude that we do not deserve it. Nothing could be farther from the truth. You absolutely deserve to take time for yourself to do the things that fill you up, that bring you joy, to rest, to exercise, to eat well...you get the picture.

I sat down to meditate before a client session the other day and I really gave it my all to clear my energy of anything not serving me so that I could be free and clear to focus fully on my client. And I realized I hadn’t taken the time that day to clear it for my own self. It was an indication for me that I was not fully loving myself. I deserve to feel good and be free and clear too, so I may live as my best me. I deserve to do that for myself.

It's things like that that prove to be worth taking notice of. What is the ratio of things we do for ourselves versus what we do for others? Is it 20/80, with you doing for others 80% of the time? Or even 10/90, with very little notice on how it feels to be self loving? Once you figure out where you are think about where you would like to be. 

Sometimes this can make us uncomfortable, feeling like we are being selfish. But in all of the teaching us not to be selfish, where was the learning on self care and self love? It's such an important part of our being yet we somehow can feel like it's wrong to take care of ourselves. But if you think about it, and you are loving yourself as much as you can, you open yourself up to not only be more loving to others, but to be able to receive more love from others. When you cannot love yourself you are not able to let others love you either.

And a blog post about self love would not be complete without me touching on forgiveness. Forgiving yourself is loving yourself. I know it can be a difficult thing to do, but when we can forgive ourselves and others we are giving our own hearts, minds and physical beings a great gift. Letting yourself off the hook from past mistakes enables you to be able to grow and be the kind of person you desire to be. And when you get to that place you have another reason to love yourself, it goes hand in hand. Forgiving others is also a gift to yourself, it frees you from anger and blame and those types of poisonous emotions. It's not about the other person, it's about you clearing your own energy so that you can live a happier and healthier life.

So take some time today and ask yourself what you can do to love yourself even more. And pledge to take action on 1 thing every day this week that shows self love!