Complimentary Session info


Friday, February 7, 2014

How To Practice Non Judgement

How much do you practice what you preach? Sometimes we can feel like it's so easy to see what we believe other people need or what other people "should" do in certain situations or we think we know what choices are best for others. And we base those thoughts on our own belief system. But at times I have to stop and ask myself number 1, how would I know what is truly best for someone else, and 2, if I have a thought of what someone else "should" do then I have to step back and ask myself if I am I doing what I am expecting someone else to do? If I wanted someone to be there for me in a particular way but feel disappointed I have to stop and ask if I am there for them in the same way I am desiring. If I am thinking someone should have gone out of their way for me I have to question if I have gone out of my way for them in every way possible? If I am upset over someone not asking me about something that is going on in my life at the time I wonder have I asked them about all of things that are going on in theirs?

I try very hard not to state what I think other people should or shouldn't do. At the end of the day I walk in no ones shoes but my own. It can be very easy to slip into judgement of others, oftentimes condemning others for the very things we do ourselves but have not taken the time to really take an honest look at our own doings. It happens sometimes, we are all human, and there are times I find myself deciding on whether I think someone's actions are "right" or "wrong", but alas that is really only subject to my perception of life. A perception that is different from yours and yours and yours.

I actually really try to eradicate the word should from my vocabulary as it relates to me and others as well. It is a hazardous word. It holds a lot of unnecessary weight and is mostly colored with a lot of self deprecation when we direct it at ourselves. And that is never a good thing. It's one thing to recognize a mistake and to think about new and different ways of doing things, but to crucify ourselves for not doing something they way we "should" have only disempowers us and takes us far away from loving ourselves and treating ourselves with compassion. So I try to be conscious of not saying "oh I should have done this or that." To me a more loving statement would be "next time I will do it this way or that way." I once heard motivational speaker Rex Crane say we're are all very good at shoulding all over ourselves and I thought what a perfect statement to paint the picture of what we really are doing to ourselves.

And next time you find yourself commenting on what someone else did or the way they handled something, perhaps they didn't do it this way or that way, ask yourself honestly, do you do things in any similar ways to the ones you are condemning someone else for? It's actually not only a great exercise in raising our own self awareness, it's a great way to practice love and kindness for our fellow humans. We greatly underestimate the power of the energy of love. It is a power that were there more of it being consciously "put out there" we could see some major shifts in our daily lives and even further in our world.

So put simply what I am saying is allowing others to be and do who and what they are free's us not only from a lot of emotional attachment to others' behavior, but it also helps us to be freer to be who WE truly are. Being gentle with ourselves helps us to be gentle with others. Many times the issues we find in others that bother us are really issues we have within ourselves so when we judge others we also judge ourselves.  Thus we fall into the trap of condemning others for things we may very well be doing ourselves. So to close on a rather meaningful cliche, live and let live!


  1. Excellent blog post! What a boring world this would be if everyone perfectly conformed to what others felt they "should" be doing, and acted the way others felt they "should" be acting. Here's to all the individualists!