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Thursday, April 24, 2014

Looking Fear in the Face and Letting It Go

So I thought I would do a little baring of the soul blogging today. While I am in the midst of facing fear and the determination to move through it I thought well hey, why not go all the way and let everyone know about it and really lean into what I am feeling right now. I realize that as I believe that all states are transient that when we lean into what is going on inside instead of resisting and pushing down and pretending some feeling isn't there, that helps us to feel it and to recognize the feeling, process that it is going on, let it run its course and then let it go. And fear I am not sure even deserves that much attention!! It hit me today that fear is not even real. In some moment of clarity in yoga class this morning that I am not even sure I can convey in words, I realized fear is not real. That is was just something I was creating in my head. And if I should so choose, I can put attention on consciously creating another feeling that is more in line with my inner self like happiness, joy or excitement.

Tomorrow I will be doing my first speaking engagement. I am quite excited about it as well as feeling grateful for the opportunity and also feeling it was meant to be by the way it came about. But as with any first comes fear of the unknown. I hear other people's perspectives in my head touching upon the seemingly judgmental attitudes from those being spoken to to the other end of the spectrum of those who have no fear of public speaking whatsoever and cannot even understand why people have a hard time with it! (God bless you dad, I will be carrying that sentiment with me this weekend!!) :) (blogging on your own blog is so great, I can put smiley faces in wherever I want!!) :)

But I digress. As I use my coaching processes on myself to imagine and feel this experience going exactly how I want it, still the fear creeps in. And as I remember the many, many times in my life I have been on stage singing, dancing and acting in front of a lot of people, still the fear is rapping softly at the door. And as I think about all of the other times in my life recently that I have taken leaps of faith and have been gently guided to land on my feet in a happier and more expansive place I still get a sense of nervous energy. And so I ask myself, what are you afraid of? And here's the best part, I don't really have any answer!

I have chosen to move away from the stringent perfectionist I once was and man is that freeing! I am allowing myself to make a mistake if that happens while I speak  because I know I will still accomplish what I am setting out to do. And thus I realize that this feeling has no bottom to it, no base. The only answer I can come up with is that I am afraid of feeling afraid. And so I am pledging to not resist it but rather to release it so I can fill myself up with the good energy of WHY I am doing the talk. To help people, which is my lifelong passion.

It will always amaze me how much God and the universe has my back. How lessons come from the most unexpected of places as long as you keep your eyes and spirit open to see and receive them. Last week my son and I were watching the latest Monster High movie. And in the end, the long lost vampire queen is being implored to reveal herself, unbeknownst to Draculaura as she is asking for help to find the queen. And as Draculaura begs for help for all of monster-kind (yeah I may have made up a word) this queen in hiding realizes that she must overcome her fear and reveal herself  in order to help others. And it was one of the sweetest messages I could have heard. We must overcome our fear to help others. I must overcome my fear to help others. That truly put it all in the perspective it needed to be in for me. And as I face this so called fear, I will allow it to fade into the distance as what is real shines forth. I am excited, I am going to do what I do well, and I am going to enjoy it!! May we always stand in our power and refuse to make decisions born out of fear!


  1. You will do fine! Have fun and remember to breathe!

  2. This is so true, fear is something we create. As you already know, my fear of trusting the universe and fear of the unknown seem to paralyze me. I am so fearful of the tumultuous (my fav word) happening and turning me on my head. How will I deal with THAT!!! Ahhh the fear sets in. lol. It is so great to have people like you, Heather, to push us through our fears. We all need a tough cheerleader in our lives. xo