Time Has More Possibility Than We Let Ourselves Realize

I was listening to an interview the other day that really got me thinking. The person being interviewed was asked the wonderfully thought provoking question “where were you 5 years ago and what has changed in your life from then until now?” And as I asked myself that question the answer was more impactful than I had expected. Because when we look at our past it seems we so often keep ourselves tethered to the things we don’t like, that didn’t go right, and it’s these things that hold us back from a bright and hopeful future. But when I looked at my past not in the light of what didn’t work out in the way I wanted but I simply compared where I was 5 years ago to where I am today, it was rather astonishing to me.

So much change has taken place... mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And I don’t think I realized it until I really compared where I was 5 years to where I am and who I am now. And this is a question I want to pose to you as well. It is not for the purpose of beating yourself up or for looking at what didn't go exactly as you had planned. But rather where are you now in the good places, in the positive changes, in the growth aspects? Take a look at all of those things. Think about what is now manifest in your life that was merely a want, hope or a dream 5 years ago. When we can look at things in that light, the wonder at how much can happen in our lives in 5 years to expand us and help us to grow is truly amazing.

Now maybe everyone's lives in a specific 5 year period may not be at very high or extreme levels of change,but it is still well worth examining where the journey has brought you in relation to what has worked for you and is making you most happy now. For me, my life has taken on enormous new form. I went through an unhappy period in my life to getting a divorce to watching my amazing son grow up and being proud of who he is to being able to live my passion at present through my life coaching business. And honestly if you had asked me 5 years ago if I would be in the place I am now, perhaps the happiest and healthiest I have been in my life to date, I would have probably told you you had a touch of the crazy!

And when I really define what this all means, that SO much can happen in our lives, even when we aren't expecting miracles or even merely change for the better, even when things seem almost devoid of hope, that possibility is always truly endless. The excitement over what changed and grown and expanded for me in the past 5 years has me almost giddy with thoughts of where I will be 5 years from now. And here is the best news of it all, God, the Universe, life, your higher power, etc, does not selectively say "well this can happen for Heather and this woman here and then that guy over there but no one else." This life and it's infinite possibility is the same for everyone. So I ask you, where were you 5 years ago and what is different for you today? What excites you most about what you see? Where do you want to expand and grow in your life in the next 5 years? And I truly hope the excitement is catching!!

Feeling Pressure To Be Positive?

In a session with a client the other day we were talking about a particular work situation she had encountered that made her feel bad. And I was asking her some probing questions and having her bring up some things about her work that were positive and that made her feel good. And after a few moments she said to me “but sometimes I just want to be able to feel the way I feel.” And I was so glad she said that because it helped me to clarify something for her.  That she is absolutely 100% allowed to feel her feelings. And she should feel her feelings! By helping her to focus on more positive aspects of her job I was simply trying to help her to see the other side of the coin, not tell her how she should feel.

It seems that when people start doing any kind of affirmative work or begin using the power of positive thinking or embarking on a path of personal growth and development it can come with some pressure to be positive. And while I see limitless goodness in focusing on the positive,  that does not mean that people are not allowed to feel what they are feeling. I can often be heard saying to clients “where you are is where you are. And that’s OK.” The work that I am leading folks to however is to not get STUCK in those bad feeling or negative places.

I believe that we need to feel and process what were are experiencing. I don’t think it’s healthy to pretend that we feel great when there is underlying stuff going on and then to use feeling “positive” as a Bandaid. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel is a matter of processing your feelings. For example, someone at my client’s job said something that offended her and hurt her feelings. Should she pretend it didn’t and that she feels just hunky-dory? No, I don’t believe so. But what I recommended to her is feel how you need to and then let it go. Don’t hang on to that anger. Hanging on to negativity can (and probably will) make you sick. 

And that’s where positive thinking comes in. It’s about where your focus is. I asked her if there were people at her job that told her things that made her feel good and she said yes. And then I asked her which feels better, to think about the things that made her feel good or that felt bad? She answered to think about the things that feel good. So that’s where I asked her to keep her focus. Those thoughts were a matter of choice for her and it was within her control to decide to focus on the negative or the positive.

This is different than looking at the glass half empty or half full. When encountering  a situation and then choosing how to look at it, I would absolutely then recommend the glass half full because most of the time what we believe will come to pass most certainly will. So why not expect the best! If you’re afraid to expect the best because you don’t want to be disappointed I can pretty much assure you that expecting the worst will leave you feeling worse than some potential disappointment and if disappointment is going to come why preface it with negative expectations? How does that really serve you? People think it keeps them safe or being realistic but it actually ends up making them feel unhappy.

This work that asks you to look at the positives in your life is not about pressure to feel good all of the time. No one feels good ALL of the time. But all emotional states are transient. They only become static when we choose to hold on to the anger, pain, fear, blame, or any negative emotions. We consciously choose to hold on to those emotions and they don’t feel good so why not choose to hold on to the better feeling emotions? There is always another side of the coin, the work is to be conscious of looking for it so it becomes about moving through what doesn’t feel good to choosing to focus on what does. And it’s that place where I believe staying positive leads to a happier and healthier life experience.